Over four years of burning green everyday but now three weeks without it has made me realize how much I probably missed out on….plus I love remembering my dreams again.
On a side note, I am so in love with meeting new people everyday. My family and a handful of friends are sorely missed but this whole process is really helping me gain perspective on who I am as a woman.
Tooodles xoxo
I had the most intense lucid dream last night… it felt so real and the first thing i did when I realized I was dreaming was fly down the hallway. It was strange though because knowingly in a dream I still awkwardly flapped my arms like a bird would! Then it was an almost apocalyptic environment and we were being “attacked” by another species. They had the ability to tell if each being was morally good and chose them to board a ship that would take them to safety because there was chaos encompassing my world and it was getting increasingly scary. Once aware of this everyone who wasn’t chosen started to bombard the ship and it was almost like Titanic mode…if that makes sense? I don’t remember anything else….yikes
Breathing
could you come a little closer? slide that way you slide, so shy, wanting mouth open, try to suck in enough air to pacify the limits of lungs so useless in the dark mantle of these deeds, haunting your fingertips as they trace the contours of my lips, speaking too deaf silence closer my love, there will be no more breathing: quiet these vain protests echoing past the dying candle; nononononono, i don’t want this any more than you want the icy prongs of betrayal along the spine, harrowing soil to bear the fruit of your transgressions, elevated in your judas gaze; oh, darling, this heat is consuming the oxygen in the room of four, volatile hatred turned to lust; oh, woe are we caught in the movements that drag our tongues together, choking each other to the rhythm of two hearts bleeding into a single pool of glimmering vice.
- Fu-zu Jen, 7.13.99
I can’t fathom why my old roommate and best friend thinks avoiding me is a good idea or much less wrap my brain around my old “Best friends” since 9th grade refuse to give the stuff they borrowed and I left at the beach house back. Not to mention steal money from me and screw me over with the deposit. blah blah blah this is just another reason my soul aches to get the fuck out of this place and meet people of substance and people with heart. People that will last.
ps. I just got back from the movies. Went to see The Hunger Games on the solo train and it was fantastic. Obviously being buried in the book for the past few days was much more satisfying but a little cinematic cherry on top never hurts.
Well this was totally unexpected… my universe has flipped!
The past month has been such a ride and honestly the changes have been emotionally overwhelming. I know this transition is just one of the many times in my life that I’ll look back on and wonder “what if” What if I decided to renew my lease and go to school in Jacksonville? What opportunities will I miss? I feel like all the networking I’ve done within the beauty industry have all formed so organically it feels nice to carry that with me on my journey.
On the flip side… Orientation at USF was quite the debacle. After arriving at 7am and spending 8 hours learning about my new school/major - I find my entire goal of getting my B.A. in International Business was misguided so now I’m back on square one. Other than that I fell in love with the campus and I’ll be going back the new couple of weekends to explore and find a place to live - iy yi yiiii
and might I mention I hate April 1st.
